How you love Yourself

15 min read by Nandita

Yesterday I came across a blog that was written by an admirable, successful, and eminent personality, on the most trendy topic of these days- “Self-love”. Interestingly yet evidently it was all about her self-love. How she loves her extra kilos, her faults, her shortcomings, and so on. But while reading my mind was listening to a loud cry for attention and acceptance. 

(Being a researcher and student of personal growth, I have devoted the last four years of my life; exclusively to understand myself and the human mind and our subconscious wirings).

We all keep hearing lots of jargon about self-love, but what we really need is self-compassion. To love ourselves we must accept ourselves where most of us fail and end up being in this trap of fake pretension of self-love.

By professing we try to hide our self-doubts and real emotions. Unknowingly then we start disliking ourselves more. And there enters the guilt of Lying to our own-self. Instead of facing it we try to hide it with self-praise. We bribe ourselves with gifts and usually pamper ourselves with massages and spa packages. (Tell me if it is not relatable.)

We must understand that  the core of loving yourself is not about pampering yourself, exaggerating yourself not even just appreciating yourself.

Self love is more about accepting yourself the way you are. To be able to see the uniqueness in all your flaws, and to be able to not just accept them but to appreciate them from your heart. You start celebrating who you are and stop bothering about what people think, who you are, or even what people want you to be. It is that inert realizations that I am unique, beautiful, creation of God, and I am who I am; Precious, Loveable, and Unique. 

Often people consider it rude to be in love with yourself. Many try to equate it to “Narcissism”. 

Narcissists don’t love themselves, they are too scared even to accept themselves. They see many flaws in themselves so they want to cover up by seeing flaws in others. And as a coping mechanism they build an inflated sense of self, using it as an anaesthetic to numb their emotions. There is a huge difference between narcissism and self-love. To get the clarity we must understand what love truly means. As our perception of self-love majorly depends on our perspective about love.

Isha Upanishad says, “Real Love evolves in non-attachment”. As attachment brings conditions and conditions will hinder the flow.

Love can’t grow with boundaries; it just flows.

Here no attachment doesn’t mean being indifferent here. It means you care but you do not fear. 

True love teaches you to see and appreciate each and everything that touches your life. You become so happy and content with yourself that you start seeing the joy in everything that surrounds you. 

Every person who touches your life gets infected with your loving energy, and all you see is love. All you feel is love.

You do get moments of doubt, fear, jealousy, and anger. But you learn to accept it as a moment and get to pass through it unaffected. 

Similarly, self-love is not about saying I am enough, rather it’s about believing that I have the ability to create each and everything, which I will need to feel enough to make my life fulfilled.

Self-love is not a destination, rather a journey, with multiple destinations.

It is about deconstructing all those ideas which are not your own but fed in your mind by society, your parents, your school, sometimes through your classmate’s parents as those friends will have access to your heart and mind. They will have the ability to rub off thoughts on you just by sharing and discussing it.

Self-love is all about fighting your fears and conquering them all, one by one, step by step, slowly but steadily.

The biggest myth about self-love is the idea of self fullness though it’s all about selflessness.

Spiritually speaking, ”The day we are able to see ourselves without any filters, we have no option but to fall in love with this eternal being of pure love (who we all are). It removes the curtains of separation. And we are able to see this beautiful flawless universal soul.”

Yes, I love myself, more than anyone else in this world (maybe, maybe not). 

But I’m certain that love brings authenticity, courage, joy, bliss, and peace. All I need in my life to be me. 

I’m proud to say I Love me!!!

Nandita Sharma, CoFounder Zaivic Tech-Wellness Solutions Pvt. Ltd.


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